"is this what i want to be doing the day i die?"

so, the title of this post is actually the title of a post over at the blog radiofreeschool.  i read it, and my heart immediatley shouted "yes!"

okay, so some days are a little hairy.  i've certainly had my share of days where i just knew that i was ruining my kids' lives and that some stranger in a daycare somewhere ought to be the one who sees them for most of the day.  seriously.  then i take a breath and remember that i chose this life, and there's not one single snot-covered, poopie diaper infused moment i would trade for all the money in the world.  are you kidding me?!  i loooove my kids, they amaze and delight me.  and, on those espeically magical days that i can remind myself of that straightway, we spend a lot of our precious time singing and dancing and hugging and loving and not having a care in the world.

so, yes, if i had to die tumbling in the warm sun with beautiful, bountiful naked babes in my arms and a husband loving me so much i could burst, well, i can't imagine a heaven without that.

worry

worry.  man, even the sound of that word gives me nervous stomach.  before kids, i rarely worried.  if i did, it was usually something along the lines of money-making or a payment of some sort.  but then kids happened, and suddenly, all of these life altering decisions have to be made.  i remember agonizing for days over which crib to buy, it had to be all organic down to the sheets, no off-gassing, brand new, must convert first into a toddler bed and then into a full-size for them to live on well into adult life...

and then the biggies.  circumcision.  vaccines.  education.  

breathing happened.  and then we simply said "no."  even to the crib.

so, here we are, nearly 4 years later, with a 3 year old and an almost 2 year old, with no crib, no vaccines, plenty of foreskin, and no education.  so, now, i worry.

i worry when we go to those germ factories that are playgrounds and softplay and even to the grocery store if my kids are going to come home with pertussis.  i worry if they should be in school.  i worry if i am not giving them what they need.

and then, my best friend, my self, has some sound advice.  or, rather, some questions to consider.  what are other kids getting out of school (rather, daycare, at this age) that my children aren't?  and more importantly, what ARE they getting out of freeschool that children in school aren't getting?  

things they aren't getting:

sick

ignored

bullied

bad habits

vaccinated

indoctrinated

abandonment feelings

socialization
questionable food
questionable influences

things they are getting:

love (and lots of it)

sunshine (and lots of it)

freedom (and lots of it)

closeness (physical and emotional, to themselves and to us all)

patience (i do my best)

individualized attention (they couldn't be more opposite!)

real time conflict resolution (constantly)

compassion (i am always amazed at how they learn to give to and help each other)

nurturing (we do a lot of snuggling)

unlimited story time (have i mentioned we LOOOOOOVE to read?)

space to just be (ahhh....)

security (i'm okay being taken for granted a little)

bonding (we go through our best and worst times together)

naked time (vitamin D!)

control over their own schedules and interests (see 'freedom')

gentleness (hitting has given way to hugging)

field trips (the beach sure is a lot of fun on the weekdays)

good food (the kind only a mama can make)

real friends (the kind we seek out and naturally gravitate towards)

exposure to people of all ages, races and walks of life (how's that for socialization?)

a real life experience of a loving family, with parents who are in love with each other and our children!

and did i mention the money and time we save that can be used to benefit our children's individual interests?  

wait.  what was i worried about again?

what i believe about life and learning

well, first let me say that i believe deeply in rhythms, and the inherent good will of all (okay, most) people at the outset.  babies come into this wild world of their own volition, in their own way and time.

both of the turbots had a uniqueness as far back as the womb, and i can say with clarity that they have maintained those rhythms no matter how many times i try to screw them up with my parenting notions.

so, i wonder, what are we to do as modern parents essentially?  what exactly does our job require, and how much of what we do is out of habit?  what do children really, truly need from us?

i read a passage once that said that to Love is to protect another's solitude.  well, i don't know about you, but i can assure you i have made a lot of mistakes pertaining to love, and also made a lot of inroads into Loving myself and others.  for me, as i watch my children grow each day, i realize more and more that what they ultimately need from their father and me is to create a world for them in which they can explore, retain a sense of wonder and intuition, and simply be themselves.  the space to listen and be listened to.  the absence of coercion or manipulation or force.  the imperative of gentleness, kindness, and compassion.

all they really need is Love.  the rest will take care of itself.

on friendship and freeshooling

it's come to my attention recently that a friend i know and i seem to be parting ways.  we have had a good friendship so far, and have been available to each other for support during the tough days of fresh new motherhood.  but now, after 3 years, it seems we've reached a fork in the road.

you see, freeschooling just doesn't make a lot of sense to some people.  that's okay.  it's not for everyone.  but it is for us.  and as we grow as parents, we become ever more aware that our children's happiness and health come first...  and sometimes even parents outgrow people.

it's not as though i'll never see or talk to this friend again.  there'll be plenty of birthday parties and neighborhood events that will bring us together.  but as our children develop into their own personhood, and the needs of the family become both more pressing and more specific, we begin to see how another persons role in our lifestyles can begin to wane.  one child is in school, and will undoubtedly begin to make close friends during a schooling career.  schedules, after school activities, and the commitments that come with more formal schooling will eventually take a rightful place at the center of the life of a schooling family. 

freeschooling families find that the rhythms that guide us through everyday life can bring us all sorts of friends and influences.  many free schooling families whom we've befriended we don't actually see that often- we're all doing our own thing, and we respect that about each other.  we stay in touch, and when we do get together, there is a flow inherent to that freedom, that embracing of the individual we all try daily to practice, and we find a closeness amongst each other that begins to feel like a community.  like a tribe, we have each other's backs, we see the differences among us as opportunities for learning.  in freeschooling, every moment is teaching us, all of us, to embrace all that we are in our uniqueness and in our sameness.  

i know that it is my duty to my family to guard with fierce love each person's solitude, including my own.  i know that to do this, i must get to the heart of the matter.  no moments wasted, no masks, no niceties.  there's only Love, and with it, the desire to grow.

Challenge accepted

Ah, social media.  The demigod of our times.

I post a lot of crap on Facebook.  I do.  I also take loooooooooooooooooooooooong breaks from social media altogether.  It's a balance- sort of.

I post a lot of homeschooling/unschooling (or as I like to call it, free schooling) memes.  What can I say?  It's a guilty pleasure.  Some people read tabloids, or watch the Bachlor(ette), some sneak in a smoke or a Diet Pepsi here and there.  Me, well, I don't do any of those things.

I'm a serial meme-er.

This week, someone called me on my shit.  A real smartypants, this guy.  And for you, Mr. Pants, I have 2 words:



CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.